After years of agonizing over decisions that are difficult to make, and the struggle to know, understand, and accept that the difficult decision will fundamentally change your life, you surge ahead fueled by adrenaline, and all the telling, and talking to everyone in your life about your decision.
Laying off your staff. Breaking the lease. Defaulting on debt. Juggling vendors, and service providers, customers, banks and government agencies, contractors, and every other entity one is involved with in conducting business, being a merchant, a customer service provider, a purveyor of lifestyle goods, illusion, dreams.
when all that stops, and things get quiet, you feel a letting go, little by little day by day, until after a month you realize you can breathe again. you longer need to check for messages to see who isn’t coming to work that day or week, and how you must rearrange your schedule to accommodate. The email slows from 200 a day to a dozen. The phone eventually stops ringing.
The show must go on.
Being a retired old person relegates you to invisibility and irrelevance. You miss the connections with people, the antics that accompany a lifetime spent, quite literally, in underwear. You miss the action.
You enjoy the quiet, revel in the sound of birds singing, tweeting, squawking, chirping, cooing, cawing. You maintain a routine, keep the house tidy, spend time with the old cat, your only companion. you wonder when you got old. Seems like yesterday you were 16. Or 21, when everything changed.
You have spent a lifetime loving people who do not love you back. They don’t want you and your libtard political beliefs near their babies.
They don’t see you, or “get” you, and it’s made you weary to deal with them. Their version of love contains pain from childhood trauma and wounds they will not, or cannot heal.
They want your love on demand, but do not offer it at all. When love is no longer served, you remove yourself from the situation.
You forget who you are, or don’t know who you are now.
your old life is behind you, and the world is upside down, and the future has never been a concern. Life has proven too quirky to put any hope or faith in tomorrow.
So the question is, what now
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